Lost another 1 lb this morning. Im now at 16.8 lbs loss. I weigh 244 lbs. Started at 260.8 lbs after my loading days. It feels good but I am not seeing a big change in my body or clothes. Kinda makes me feel sad. But I am sure it will come soon enough. I got SO hungry this morning at work I bought a side of eggs... 2 ounce ladle full of "scrambled" eggs. Couldn't even eat half of that before I was full! Hopefully it won't make me gain. I have gained 2 times already... 1 lb each time. But the next day or so I lose it and more. I am getting scared to eat now though sometimes. It's weird, like I am becoming obsessed. I've been trying to eat the food I have next to me for about an hour now. I have no appitiete but I know I will be starving in the morning if I don't eat it. I get paid tomorrow so I think I will buy some steak... haven't had that yet. : ) I love steak with A1, but I can't have A1. But I can pretend.
We are making truffles and molded chocolates in school right now. It's so hard not to eat them. I did take some of Chef's demo candies and I have them in the freezer until I can eat them. I am so proud of myself for not giving in even though everyone seems to egg me on to cheat.
I remember probably 2 years ago now when I was working at Shari's an older gentleman came up to me and told me if I would lose 50 lbs I could be Miss America. That has always stuck with me. Plus my mom telling me that the only way I will find a man is if I lose weight. Always used to make me really hurt. If he didn't love me at my "worst" why would I want him at my "best" ya know? But I can see that she is probably right. I don't want to be alone anymore. And I don't want to be fat anymore. I just want to be happy and have a family. Ugh.
You're most likely losing weight evenly all over, therefore you don't see as much difference in your clothes. Keep up the great work!!
ReplyDeleteWhen I worked at Java there was a guy in his 50's who said almost the same thing to me. You're pretty, but if you lost weight you'd be stunning. It kind of hurt and felt good all at the same time. When I was in middle school and high school my mom would tell me that guys don't like to date fat girls and they'd NEVER marry a fat girl. It made me feel like an ugly cow. I know she didn't mean for it to sound so harsh, but dang it sure hurt to hear it. Esp from my mom.
I'm seriously inspired by you! I cannot imagine working around food and now chocolates and not cheating....especially when you have people egging you on. You're such a trooper. =)
It's amazing how simple comments like this stay with us for the rest of our lives. I still remember my dad telling me that "boys don't need to be looking at you!" and stuff like that. He made my sister and I feel ugly and to this day I still look in the mirror and I know that the reflection that I'm seeing is exactly what a fat ugly pig looks like. Just like I know that a stop sign is red, I know that what I look like is a fat ugly pig. I'm afraid for my kids to grow up and then I'll find out what things I've said that have stuck with them! This sounds really silly, but last winter I burned a copy of Avril Lavigne's "Beautiful" onto a CD and made myself listen to it in my car on the way to work every day and sang it at the top of my lungs. It helped to have to call myself beautiful every day, but I tell ya, as soon as I quit doing that, I went back to feeling ugly all the same. I'm sorry that these little comments stuck with you ladies for so long. You are beautiful, no matter what they say and words can't bring you down...LOL.
ReplyDeleteThank you ladies! I can tell you both this... we will show them all up and make them eat their words! We are beautiful just a bit fluffy! My chef told me her doctor told her she needed to get into shape... she said, round is a shape! She is a hoot and she is interested in HCG now too!
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